This was part of my ongoing mission. My ongoing mission to be a man. An unrecorded part of my history - indeed the history of our own sweet Earth - was that I once learned to cook a ciabbata using our oven. This was the next natural step, the progression that was mandated by God if I was to blossom into adulthood. I call it:
 Alright so secretly I took this picture afterwards but shut up. Anyway, you turn the knob to number 6. You also hit the big orange switch on the wall for the electricity but that picture came out bright. Also not shown is mum pouring oil into the bottom because she didn't realise I was making an adventure out of this popsicle stand.  This is mum cracking an egg. It's a horrible business, this bit. I thought the picture was well timed >: This is also the hardest and most complicated part of the operation and a screw up here could spell disaster for the whole team.  HELLO MUM WHAT CHOO DOING O FRYING AN EGG oh right I should be learning  So I told her I never really learned how to crack an egg. She gave me an egg and I cracked it into the pan without any shell going in. I had learned how to crack an egg, a task mum taught me instantly and my home economics teacher failed to do a half dozen times. WAY TO GO STATE EDUCATION.  This is one egg trying to eat another in order to steal its courage in battle and protein. I asked mum how long they had to fry for and she said 'until they go completely white'. This is hard work and I think allowing the eggs to know our timetable was a mistake that could have gotten us all killed. Incidentally, the white stuff on the thing you cook things on is from when mum once burned straight through the bottom of a chip pan. She picked it up, the bottom was stuck firmly to the thing you cook food on, but the rest of the chip pan was less firmly attached and the hot water splashed everywhere, narrowly not burning her. So now you know!  Candy came to see us oh boy she can smell egg it's yummy isn't it dog! NO YOU CAN NOT HAVE ANY YOU FILTHY FAT PIG-LIKE HOUND.  oi come back :(  This is mum and dog waiting. Mum is better at waiting than dog. Mum was also getting amused at Mr Camera.  I returned to the egg and one was still consuming the other in its amoeba like grasp. But oh ho ho, the tables had turned! The egg being swallowed was still coalesced while the other separated even further! The plucky little chap held strong and you could smell its antibodies going to work in repelling the overwhelming tide of eggy death.  THEN THEY TURNED WHITE AND WERE DONE AND HAD BECOME ONE BIG BLOB OF EGG. We then turned them over to check they were done. They're bubbling like Hell in that picture, an inferno of boiling white icky stuff.  This is when I was in the way and mum didn't want her picture taken again. :>  MR EGGS YOU ARE COOKED INTO A GIANT CONGLOMERATE OF EGGY NICENESS  Appetising. Then I ate it.  And it was gone. Good bye fruit of my labours! It's funny, this was like a race, all in all the purpose of making an egg was for it to disappear. With this new found knowledge, I knew I could survive in any wilderness fate had in store for me. Two eggs were quite filling actually :> ...?! |
